Can he read? If so, write him a list of rules on an index card. Go over the rules with him until he understands them and agrees to them. Have the bus driver check off on his card if he followed the rules that day. Ask them to NOT speak to him about the rules or remind him about them, but to just to check off a box that says "Johnny followed the rules today." Tell him that he will get a treat for every check he brings home. Establish the treat with him ahead of time. If he comes home with no box checked off, don't make a big deal about. Just, "Ok, try again tomorrow" with an encouraging tone, not a disappointed one. See if this works. Of course, this entails cooperation from the meanies on the bus, so it might not work because of THEM, not him. Still, it's worth a try.
Great suggestions, Tzoya!
Keep up the good work, Maria!
Thanks, Tzoya. In my letter requesting the IEP meeting, I included a request for a camera. But I am going to have to push it, I'm afraid. Meanwhile, there is tension all around. I am consenting to the harness, and it appears they are scrambling to provide one for him. The bus driver is p.o.'d. My son is telling them they can't touch him and I will sue them (despite my telling him more than once to just sit down and behave on the bus, and his behavior is NOT acceptable. And I did not mention the word sue to him), and he is testing limits. Not unusual; he wants to feel safe and have established boundaries. But that is not the way to do it. He senses the tension and their anger with him, but still...I'm so livid right now. My son started a private special ed school in January, placed by the school system. So far, so good. He is bused to the schook which is located in another county. I see him on the bus in the morning, since he does not go to before care anymore. The same bus drops him off at his aftercare.
Since late January, the bus driver and aide have been complaining about my son. He doesn't stay in his seat, he screams during the ride, he throws things. They were pushing for me to sign a form that would allow them to put a harness on him so he couldn't get out of his seat. The bus driver emphasized that she was concerned about my son's safety. I agreed, and I began talking with my son about his behavior and telling him that if he had trouble controlling himself on the bus, he would need to wear the harness. During our conversations, he began telling me that the aide restrained him, basically by holding him down. He said it felt like he was being choked.
Alarmed, I talked with his school social worker and discovered that both buses coming from my county to that school (and some buses from another county) had problems with the drivers and aides, in that there was lack of training, lack of understanding of kids with disabilities, and restraining (which is not allowed). Apparently, the driver and aide were not telling the school about all of the problems they were having with my son (the kids get a reward for behaving on the bus). We discussed strategies. The school talked with the driver and aide on my son's bus, and I began instituting consequences with my son and also praising him for not getting reports of bad behavior. I also purchased a hand-held game for him to play on the bus, and told him to just sit, and, as quietly as possible, ride the bus to and from school. The social worker disucssed the same strategies with him. Then I spoke with the driver. I asked if my son was being restrained. After some hesistation, she said, "We don't do that." I said, "All right," but I gave her a long, hard look. I didn't believe her.
Then I spoke with the state, which told me to contact Child Protective Services. I felt that would turn into a he say/she say situation, and my son would still end up riding on the bus with the problem aide. I did put in a call to a person at the county transportation office, and I didn't get a call back (surprise, surprise). But things seemed to calm down for a while.
Then, last week, the driver complained again, and said my son was doing the same things, not all the time but some of the time. She asked me to sign the harness permission form. I discussed the harness issue with the school and my son's father during the last IEP meeting, and the consensus was that the harness would remove any reason the aide would have to put her hands on my son. So his father and I were thinking about it and leaning towards signing the form. But on Friday, something happened. Apparently, my son was acting up, and he was restrained. One of his arms is broken, and the restraint hurt that arm. He felt again like he was being choked. In anger, he flung his backpack and boots on the bus, and he spit on the aide.
When I got to the aftercare (Tae Kwon Do), the master told me the driver was very angry and told him what happened. The master talked with my son and spoke to me. I told my son it was never okay to throw anything on the bus. He has lost TV privileges for the week.
I spoke with his father about the restraint, and as usual, he had no suggestions, other than to call CPS. After a brief argument, he agreed to call the County again. This morning, I put on my work badge (I represent a government child welfare agency) and walked my son to the bus. The aide blocked my son's entry and asked me, in a rather confrontational manner, "Did you sign that form for the harness yet?" I told her I did, but I wanted to talk with her. I told my son to sit down, and she finally moved out of the way.
Basically, I told her and the driver that the aide was restraining my son, and she was not to put her hands on him anymore, and if she did, I would call CPS. I also said I work with the agency that is in charge of CPS. The aide tried not to appear scared (she didn't seem to care); she just kept denying that my son was restrained, and she said that his feeling like he was being choked was a lie. I told her he wouldn't lie about being restrained. They went on and on about his behavior, and I said I understood that, and I would consent to the harness, but no one was to put their hands on him again. They also said they had CALLED THE POLICE on my son on Friday. Apparently the police didn't come.
My son has to ride this bus not only until school ends mid-June, but during extended school year as well (the driver and aide may change for ESY, I don't know yet). My question is, should I fight to get this aide removed from his bus, just try the harness (I will put it on him in the am and the school will put it on in the pm), or have an abuse investigation opened? I just don't think CPS is going to necessarily solve the problem, and they may try to kick my son off the bus. Also, the biggest problem on the bus is in the afternoon, and if I go and get him and take him to aftercare myself, I would be taking off hours per day from work, and that would threaten my job.
In any case, thianks for letting me vent!
Your school district pays the bus company to transport your son safely. If there are issues, they can ask that the bus company install a video camera. That happens on buses all the time here.I don't think you did anything wrong. However, I have a question. Do you have any trouble keeping your son in a seatbelt when he is in the car with you? Does he hate school so much that that's why he tries to escape on the bus? The truth is, the bus company won't be able to transport your son if he does not leave his seatbelt on. Harnesses are common for developmentally disabled young children and are designed to be safe. My son did not need one, but had he needed one, I would have said OK rather than have him without a seatbelt on the bus. ONe thing you might want to consider is to have an autism consultant put in your son's IEP so that she can ride the bus to observe what's going on (better yet, if you get the videotape, have the consultant observe the tape and come up with some behavioral techniques. For your son AND the aide!)I am not sure what to add but I would file a police report next time it happens for unlawful restraint~ Isn't that assault? If you file a formal complaint at police station then they have it on record and a full investigation is manditory... it may provoke the school to transfer the bus driver and aide to another school since a loss of faith is involved with you and your trust in them taking care of your son. Just a thought:)I vote for requesting that a video camera be installed if the SD cannot guarantee your son's safety, both physical and emotional, on the bus rides to and from school...
Of course they'll pitch a fit not wanting to spend the money, and that's where Tzoya's excellent idea of having an autism expert observe your child on the bus comes in. I would ask for an urgent IEP meeting to address this issue and put all of the facts and your specific requests and questions into a non-emotional formal letter prior to the meeting and send copies or hand deliver to all appropriate people...(more of document, document, document!)...
Your Mother is wrong, God Bless her, for wanting you to back down, in my opinion...She is probably worried for you and her grandson. Many people who care about us are afraid for us to be "whistle blowers" or "rebels"...They don't want us to "buck the system" because we, or worse, our children, may get hurt in the process...But if you feel strongly, and your son is telling the truth, then I would calmly make a plan and EXECUTE IT. Whatever it takes...You may just be helping many more children than your own...
Keep us updated!
ShelleyR, that's a good thought. After all, they called the police to come talk to my son on the bus (a not uncommon action by the drivers). That may have worked for a NT child, but if my son could be controlled by such scare tactics, he wouldn't be attending the school. BTW, my son was very polite to the policeman. :> While he didn't seem traumatized by the policeman, he didn't tell me about it; the driver did.
Tzoya, thanks. My son not only has no problem with a seat belt in my car, he puts it on himself. He hasn't complained of hating this school, but he does hate the bus driver and aide. The buses in our state have no seat belts. The harness, as you probably know but others may not, is a vest that buckles in to the seat and keeps the child from getting loose. Two other children on his bus wear them. Reminds me of a straight jacket, although it doesn't look like one. Hence my initial hesitation; I was afraid it would frighten him. And some kids have tantrums being put in one. But I believe it's a safer alternative at this point. I will make sure I put it on in the mornings. I'm concerned the aide may be too aggressive with that task.
AndrewsMommy, I think you're right on about my mother. I'll consider the autism expert as well as the video camera. What I think I'll do is request those things when we reconvene once the speech eval is complete.
Thanks for your replies!
I agree with both of you. This is a school system bus, driven by a SD employee and staffed with an aide hired by the SD. I don't think our SD has cameras on buses, at least not on all of them. That said, I'm thinking the SD will pitch a fit if I request a camera be put on the bus because it involves spending $. But iI have a call in to the Transportation Dept. to inquire about the camera issue.
I just had a conversation with my mother, who says basically (though not directly) that I should not have confronted the driver and aide because they won't change, they'll do what they want, they'll be resentful and they'll take it out on my son. That other parents already had sized up the driver and aide just by looking at them, and went along with the program and consented to the harness. That I need to stop confronting them, that I should smile and watch how I talk to them because my son needs to be transported to school, etc. In short, how I (once again) did something wrong. Sigh. My response was that I told her if I suspected my son was being restrained and shouldn't be, and I said nothing, then I'd be a neglectful parent. Then she turns to blaming my ex. He's not the greatest, but it's a waste of time to make him the villian at this point. When I tell her my ex didn't cause my son's autism, her response is, "But he started out real healthy."
Now you know why I come on here and vent!
When I walked my son onto the bus the morning, I was told that parents weren't allowed on the bus and to step off the bus. I said I wanted to be able to put the harness on my son myself once it is approved, and the driver said I couldn't do that b/c of the no parents policy. So I said, "No harness then." I took back the permission form. The driver told me to call her supervisor.
I called and spoke with the bus lot foreman, who siad I could put the harness on my son because he will have it with him at all times, then the aide could buckle it in without actually touching him. I told the aide about the restraints. The foreman said she would work with the school to have my son measured at school.
Then the transportation manager called me back, and I explained the situation and asked for a camera to be put on the bus. He said the cameras aren't usually put on special ed buses unless two or more kids are destructive and really acting out. I asked him to reconsider, since there are already two kids wearing harnesses (although one wears it b/c he falls asleep on the bus). He wanted time to talk with the aide and driver to work things out. He did say it sounded like bad customer service. I also asked him to replace the aide. He still wants to talk with the driver and aide first before deciding anything.
Later, I emailed the school system rep who is the liaison with my son's school to request an emergency IEP meeting. We'll see what happens from there.
Thanks once again for your advice. Let's hope they think twice before manhandling my child or anyone else's!